Don't Shame Who You Used To Be

When we look back at our lives, some things can be kind of cringy.

You can’t believe that you took so long to finally make the big move you’d been thinking about, and wish you’d done it sooner because you lost time. You look back at the way you showed up in a conversation or situation, and you’re embarrassed by how immaturely or irresponsibly you handled it. 

And while it’s a very normal response to look down on yourself, it’s not a fair thing to do. The version of you that’s looking at things today is not the same person that made decisions in the moment. Don’t shame yourself for who you used to be. I bet you were doing your best... And it was all a necessary part of you becoming who you are today.

My favorite quote comes from Maya Angelou and it goes “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” And the reason this resonates so much for me is because it explains how we could play small and make mistakes, without discrediting that we made an attempt to apply ourselves.

Every moment we experience - past, present, or future - is limited by the level of consciousness we meet it with. We can only act with the awareness we have, information we know, and options that are available. We use that context and apply it in the best way we can. So any shortcoming that comes as a result of that isn’t a negative strike on our character, it’s representative of the limited consciousness we had.

And that’s why "when you know better, you do better.” WIth more awareness and new information you can make a different choice. You learned something new so now you can do something new. Our personal evolution is a product of this trial and error feedback loop.

It’s kind of like how hindsight is 20/20. What that means is that you can see things now that you couldn’t see before. You have a different awareness for the situation today than you did when you were in it.

So why find fault for things that you didn’t know about? Why shame yourself for the mistakes you made, when you were simply doing your best with what you had?

If we approach our lives with that level of grace, and curiosity to uncover the things hiding in plain sight that we’ve been missing, we accelerate our growth and improve the quality of our lives.