A few weeks ago I experienced an interesting situation with an ending I’m proud of. In preparation for Halloween, my fiance Irene put out a big bowl of candy. It sat on the kitchen counter for weeks before and after the holiday came and went. 

Having an extra focus on my health recently and making good nutritional choices, this big orange bowl caught my attention every time I walked into the kitchen. The allure of a piece of candy was always there, all ready to go and prepared in a bite-sized serving, but not even once did I feel even the slightest urge to have any candy and I’d like to share the reasons why.

First, when Irene put the candy out, I told her right away “I’m not going to have a single piece of it.” This served as a pre-commitment and decision that I had already made. So any time that voice came to mind convincing  me to have a  sugary snack, my answer was easy and it quieted quickly. Robert Cialdini, the author of “Influence” would say that I leveraged ‘commitment and consistency’ to unconsciously drive healthy behavior.

On top of that, I had undeniable accountability to my decision and intention. Every single evening I fill out my Self Improvement Scorecard and complete my high-performance tracking routine. With eating less sugar being one of the focuses of my personal development right now, this means that every day I reflect on my choices. Knowing that I’d have to answer to myself if I did choose to indulge and have a piece of candy, it created a real consequence that kept me from even considering it.

And last, also through my nightly Scorecard routine and otherwise, I’ve cultivated a mindset of being self-disciplined. This allows me to be above my impulses so that I can consistently make the decision that is in alignment with my best self. And since it’s identity driven, rejecting sweets doesn’t require will-power because my subconscious mind has been trained to prefer practicing self-discipline over giving into temptation.

I share all of this to give you a real example of how the concepts we talk about actually play out in real life, and how effective they can be when you implement them for yourself. If you want to create more self-discipline, and a reflex to make the right choices more consistently, I’d love to help you install the exact same accountability systems and structure I use to become the best version of myself.

If I can do it you can too, and instead of it taking you a decade like it did for me we can get things really working for you in just 21 days.

Something I’ve noticed that I want more in my life is intensity. But I also think that living an intense life is a bit misunderstood. It’s not being high strung, on-edge, and dominating in an environment. It’s more a matter of having more pointed focus in what I do, creating more presence and quality.

I want to listen more intensely in conversations. I want to meditate and reflect more intensely. I want to experience life’s moments more intensely. I want to work more intensely.

There are two definitions for intense: The first is “of extreme force, degree, or strength”, which is more along the lines of what I desire. But this gets mixed up with the second definition, which is “having or showing strong feelings or opinions; extremely earnest or serious”. 

Even when I say the word ‘intense’ it has a certain feel to it.

To me, intensity is a unique way to combine the concepts of passion, enthusiasm, focus, and determination. It’s to turn things up a notch beyond what’s normal or expected. Other people feel when you’re so locked in that it influences them to lock in and meet you there. In that way, it means that you determine the pace for how things go rather than letting your environment determine it for you.

Now what am I doing to shift this for myself?

In conversations I’m trying to put my phone away and practice active listening more often. In my meditation I’m holding myself to a higher standard and setting an intention to be extra present before I begin. In life I’m challenging myself to treat the everyday things that happen as “the best things ever”, hunting in every line of a book for a deeper lesson, and thinking more about every choice I’m making in my diet.

I desire more intensity because I desire more quality. I don’t want to plateau at a level of fulfillment and life experience that is less than I feel like it can be, and leave so much of life’s richness on the table. If you feel like you’ve been going through the motions lately, or have been so busy that your day to day quality has been deprioritized just to get through, you don’t need to settle for 'okay'. 

We can get started working together and in just 21 days your days will become unrecognizable, bringing a new level of energy, focus, and purpose to everything you do in your life. All you need to do is install the Super Habits System, the single daily process that holds you to a higher standard.

I’d say a lot of people in this world, myself included, desire more happiness in their life. They want to be more enthusiastic, to have a more positive outlook on life, and to have more fun in what they do. But being happy is so much easier said than done. We have busy schedules, responsibilities, unfortunate happenings, and unpredicted setbacks that steer us off of a happy course. 

That’s why so many people choose to postpone their happiness for another day. They figure, I just need to get through this and then I’ll be happy, almost giving themselves permission to suck it up and accept that they’re not as happy as they want to be.

I call this being “happy when”. I’ll be happy when I get a raise and that promotion. I’ll be happy when I settle into a romantic relationship. I’ll be happy when I get a break and go on that trip. 

But that’s just simply not the case, and I didn’t understand this for myself until I heard Tom Bilyeu’s mindset on it, but substituting the idea of feeling successful for being happy.

Bilyeu says “Success doesn’t change your insecurities. Most people look at somebody who’s successful with this admiration and they think that when I’m successful I’ll look at myself with the same admiration. All you have is this moment, success is not something in the future where you cross the finish line and feel forever the way you’ve wanted to feel. Success will feel exactly like this moment.”

That’s happiness too.

If you’re not finding ways to be happy right now with what you have, you’re not going to feel all that different when your circumstances change. What this means is that we treat happiness as if it’s determined externally when in reality it is completely an inner game.

So instead of being “happy when”, what can you do to start being “happy now”? How can you set an intention, adjust your attitude, or otherwise change your mindset?

Another personal development luminary, Tony Robbins, says “happiness is progress”. If we have something that we’re improving at, it gives us something to be excited about, something to look forward to, and something to find purpose in. And as someone who listens to personal development podcasts I’m sure you get that.

So let me make a recommendation. If you’re waiting to be happy when things change outside of you, and you know that you’ll be happy when something changes inside of you, and you know that one of the most potent ways of creating happiness is to be in the process of making progress… Let’s dive into your next level of inspiring, fulfilling self-improvement. That shift you’re looking for can be complete in just 21 days when you install the Super Habits System and begin and establish a fresh, new, productive, energized, purpose-driven lifestyle.

A quality that many people admire in others is persistence. We’re always rooting for the person that gets knocked down and keeps getting up, presses on in the face of failure and adversity, and never quits. Perhaps we’d like to see more of that quality in ourselves. And while that’s a great target to have, perhaps presenting a more realistic perspective will help us in improving in this area.

Let me introduce you to the idea of selective persistence. It’s the exact same concept but instead of being relentlessly persistent, what if we saved our persistence for when it matters most?

This isn’t a cop out for not having mental toughness, this is a ‘smarter not harder’ strategy to reserve your strong-willed mindset for when you need it most.

It’s similar to the idea of having will-power. We’ve come to find that will-power is a finite resource. With that understanding, it’s almost irresponsible to rely on it to get stuff done because it can limit your ability to use it later in the day. That’s why there’s so much value in changing your environment and making pre-commitments, because it allows you to tap into different sources of self-discipline.

The same goes for your persistence.

So how can we be smarter about how we use our persistence? There are a few indicators:

If you start to get frustrated, that could be a sign to pause and reset.

If something is complicated, maybe that means it’s time to redesign it so that it’s easier.

If you’re trying to improve things but the micro adjustments you make don’t lead to sizable improvements that are congruent with the amount of effort you’re putting in.

That way, when you do encounter that thing that you absolutely need to get done and work through, you’ve got a reservoir to tap into so that you can meet the task and move beyond it. 

If you want to remove resistance from your life so that it’s easier to be self-disciplined, you start crushing your daily task list, and you take on challenges with more enthusiasm and confidence than you used to, it all becomes way easier when you take 21 days to install the Super Habits System. It will get you absolutely buzzing - hitting your goals and living your best-lifestyle.

Sometimes we encounter things in life that are too good to be true. It’s a promotion at work or a new job you’re excited about. It’s an opportunity to travel or experience something really special. Especially when we get excited about something we can get all caught up in it.

What I’m about to suggest isn’t that you shouldn’t trust your intuition or that you should tone down the excitement in your life… I believe you feel that emotion for a reason. What I’m proposing instead is that you understand the big picture so that you can be extra intentional about what you’re actually getting versus assuming the highlights of what could be.

This is where I want you to have this question in your back pocket - If there were a tradeoff, what would it be? This question is neutral, soft, and fair. It doesn’t claim that there are any consequences to the path ahead but makes you reflect on the possibilities of what those consequences might be.

For example, a promotion at work might mean that you’ll feel pressure to spend more time working, which then compromises your personal time and health habits. An opportunity to travel the world means that you might miss birthdays, holidays, and events that are important to you.

It’s by forecasting the tradeoff that we really get to genuinely choose the path we want to take. Rather than being surprised or naive to the new normal that’ll come from a new environment, you give yourself your best chance to make the most of it by being more prepared.

In summary - If you feel like the stars are aligning and you’re beginning to grasp at something you genuinely want but are missing, go for it! But go for it with intention so that you’re fully aware of the implications of the decision, and the potential tradeoffs you might experience.

There’s a famous anecdote about an encounter between Alexander The Great, whose army is arguably the most dominant there has ever been in history, and Diogenes the Cynic, a Greek philosopher. There are many versions of this but today I wanted to highlight one in particular.

When the two encountered each other, and Diogenes chose not to be accommodating to Alexander, someone from Alexander The Great’s staff said “What have you done? This man has conquered the world.” 

Diogenes is said to have responded “I have conquered the need to conquer the world”.

It creates an interesting contrast. Alexander The Great has used power and force to manipulate the world to his liking, conquering new territories and building a reputation that made history. His value system is based on domination and conquest, seeing that as the ultimate pursuit of his potential.

Diogenes almost mocks that and attempts to humble Alexander by pointing this trait out as a flaw. He argues that he actually has more power than Alexander The Great because he’s developed the self-awareness and perspective to play a different game that is in his control, and in his mind. Diogenesis’ value system is also based on authority and domination, but it's an internal expression that is a pursuit of self-mastery rather than an external expression of it that is a pursuit of fame, fortune, and conquest.

So what do we have to learn from this? I think we all have a version of this happening in our lives right now. One part of us is motivated by achievement of things and another part of us is motivated by having freedom from things. Both play an important role, and the more aware we can be of when they surface, the better balance we can have with it.

Interestingly, there are accounts of Alexander The Great wanting to be more like Diogenes. He’s known to have admired the freedom and independence he practiced. But if Diogenes had no action toward acquiring things like money, food, and shelter, then he wouldn’t have survived. So more than anything this example gives you perspective on the two extremes of the spectrum that we belong somewhere within.

The words we use are extremely powerful and provide deep insights into our internal world. When we study them we can learn about things about ourselves we otherwise wouldn’t have access to.

One of the words that many parents don’t allow in their household is the word “can’t”. And it makes sense. When we use the word ‘can’t’ we don't take ownership for whatever it is, leaving us with what’s leftover and choosing to have little say in the matter.

The problem is, people still like complaining about how unfair the world is that they ‘can’t’ do something. But the truth is they’ve just chosen to forfeit their own attempts at making it happen for themselves.

If you really diagnose the instances where people say they can’t do something, it’s usually not about that. It’s more often that they’re unwilling to endure the consequences, make the tradeoff, or accept the conditions that would make it happen.

For example: “I can’t afford it”. What that really means is “I’m unwilling to move to a cheaper apartment, change my lifestyle, and negotiate a payment plan where I can cover the investment.”

Or “I can’t quit my job” really means that you’re unwilling to expose yourself to the possibility of not having a stable income and risk financial hardship, receiving criticism from loved ones, and accepting the identity of being unemployed as you transition.

You can do anything. Seriously. The reason it doesn’t feel that way is because everything is a tradeoff and some tradeoffs are just unfathomable and morally unacceptable. But when you realize what you’re currently getting is what you’re currently choosing, because you are choosing it over however else it could be, you realize how quickly things can change.

That’s where I want to encourage you to shift your thinking by shifting your language. When you want to say “I can’t”, instead say “I won’t”. It removes the power from your external circumstances and allows you to hold it yourself. And when this makes you feel empowered because you realize you’re choosing everything in your life, you’ll gain the courage you need to start making new decisions that better support you and the life you want to live.

If you’ve been telling yourself that you can’t be more consistent, you can’t change how busy and overstretched you are, or you just can’t motivate yourself to do what you know you need to do, I’d challenge you to see if you’ve even tried. If you’re willing to try and take ownership, the Super Habits System is designed to help you establish the harmonious, high-quality, productive life you desire in just 21 days.