Recently I’ve been using a new expression to add more resilience, spontaneity, and adventure into my life. Feeling like I’m fully alive is one of the things I’m pursuing most in my life right now, and I’ve been choosing to do things that are memorable to create more life-giving experiences.

The expression is "When’s the next time I’ll be this close to (insert blank)."

Asking myself this question has pushed me one level further than I was planning to go. It pops the bubble of comfort that I find myself naturally staying in and puts me in more vitalizing spaces. There are two examples in particular I’d like to share.

A few weeks ago I went to Atlanta for a Running event called Runningman. Basically it’s a wellness festival where lots of vendors, health related activities, and camping are crammed into a mile long trail loop. On the Saturday of the event everyone runs the loop as many times as they’d like to. I trained for a half-marathon, which I had never done before, and when I completed it I felt an urge to continue on. What if I doubled it? When’s the next time I’ll be this close to running a full marathon? So I did. 

And as I was running that, I learned that a 50k was only 5 miles beyond a marathon. So when I finished it, I asked myself “When’s the next time I’m going to be this close to doing 50k?” Well it requires that I run a marathon again… So I completed another 5 laps. I achieved a physical feat that I didn’t even know was possible simply because I used a mantra that pushed me outside my comfort zone.

Another example - I’ve driven the 500 mile stretch of the 5 freeway between Northern and Southern California dozens of times, and many times I’ve considered stopping off at a random lake in the middle of trip called Pyramid Lake. As I was pulling up to the exit for it I asked myself “When’s the next time I’m going to be this close to it?” So I pulled off and made my way to the sand. Then when I got to the sand and enjoyed the view, I asked myself “When’s the next time I’m going to be this close to swimming in Pyramid Lake?” Well it would require that I disrupt my trip another time. So I went in!

The point is, there’s more life to capture in the moments we already have. But fear and excuses keep us living at our current level. When we push just past it and invest that little bit of extra time or effort, we experience disproportionate returns.

Something that is fundamental to improvement is feedback. Feedback fuels a cycle of giving something a try, observing the result, understanding the factors that led to the result, and trying something else. Tom Bilyeu calls a version of what I just described the “Physics Of Progress” and John Assaraf has his process of “Think Plan Do Review”.

What I wanted to highlight today though is how commonplace feedback is, and how we’re constantly using it in ways we aren’t even aware of. And I want to demonstrate that by providing a few examples.

Earlier this week I was preparing lunch and trying to get a thin plastic film off the top of the container. I gripped it with my fingers once and slipped off. Twice, and slipped off. A third time and slipped off. Then I took a corner of the shirt I was wearing, pinched the film through the material, and was able to rip the plastic off.

The results of the first three attempts gave me feedback that my technique wasn’t working. I identified what the problem might be, having wet hands, neutralized that with a different technique, and it worked.

Another example - I’m focusing on my hydration right now. Two days in a row I missed my goal for the day, so I paused to understand why. I had realized that for those two days I wasn’t using hydration salt and was drinking flavorless water. So I took that feedback, made an adjustment by prioritizing using my hydration salt, and started hitting my hydration goal again.

And the classic example, someone who puts their hand on a hot stove. They experience pain, associate the pain with the stovetop, and change their behavior to be more careful next time. That all happens unconsciously as a feedback loop.

Feedback is simply observing the results you achieved, interpreting them to understand how they vary from what you expected or wanted. With feedback you can then take action to implement a new strategy that you think will get you better results, do it, then observe and interpret those new results. 

When you seek feedback from someone else they’re doing the same thing - Observing the results and interpreting them. They’re communicating their perspective on why things went the way they did, pulling from their experience. Multiple perspectives on a problem present a more well-rounded understanding, which accelerates your ability to solve the problem.

If you’ve been trying to improve or get more consistent in an area, but you’re doing so blindly and don’t have an intentional feedback system in place, I’ve got something for you to check out.

Recently I’ve had a really incredible opportunity presented to me that I’ve been thinking a lot about. It’s the kind of decision that could change the trajectory of my career, and it’s impossible to know what the right choice is until after it all unfolds. To get some clarity on it, I consulted one of my mentors, Adam Braun, to help me figure out what I want to do.

Adam is an inspiring entrepreneur and social impact leader who has dedicated his life to driving positive change in the world. As someone who has navigated territory just like this in his own career, he gave me some very pointed perspective:

“Make the little decisions with your head, and the big ones with your heart.”

This was exactly what I needed to hear because I was aware of how “heady” I was making things. I had already arrived at a perfectly crafted story to explain how this opportunity was the culmination of everything I had been working toward. That this opportunity was only possible because of the years of hard work I’ had invested in being of service. And while all of that is true, it’s a thoughtful rationalization rather than an intuitive knowing.

Now, I’m giving myself space to do the real soul-searching. It’s insightful to observe some of the feelings and leanings that have already come up, and some of the factors that have been influencing my thinking behind the scenes. It makes sense to make the little decisions with your head. It’s strategic, thoughtful, and orchestrated around creating a certain result. But the big decisions, that has to come from the deepest parts of you.

In our conversation, Adam recounted how many times his head and heart had different things to say. How the thing that made logical sense wasn’t what he intuitively felt was right. And he shared how for the few times he trusted his head over his heart, it didn’t pan out like he thought it would or go according to plan.

So as you take in this wisdom, I want you to think about any big decisions you might be facing now, or decisions you might be facing soon. Tap into what your heart is guiding you to do and let that weigh heavily in your decision making process.

Two other tips he gave: 1) Engage your partner in the decision, because it impacts them, but ultimately communicate that the final decision is yours. And 2) If you can, allow yourself to take more time with big decisions because it creates more space for your intuition to shine.

Something that many people consider an admirable trait is being fearless. We appreciate someone who is willing to go for it, put themselves out there, and take action unimpacted by the fear most people would have in the same situation. 

Some people say being completely fearless is reckless, but I disagree. I think it's possible that being fearless always serves us. What gets people into trouble is not accurately quantifying the risk associated with the action they’re taking fearlessly.

Fear is a universal human emotion. In fact it’s a survival instinct. The reason we’ve evolved to have fear is to keep us out of harm's way, and avoid doing things that may threaten our safety. The emotion hijacks our decision making and keeps us from doing something that may hurt us.

However, our fear is hyperactive in modern society and keeps us from doing things that don’t actually pose a threat to our safety. In fact, it often keeps us from taking action in the big, bold, confident ways required to reach our goals and dreams. 

It’s a fear of what others might think, a fear of failure, or a fear of looking stupid that holds us back. While that form of fear used to keep us from doing something that would cause us to be outcast from our tribe, in today’s world it’s no longer a matter of life or death.

Risk however is an understanding for the likelihood of different potential outcomes. It’s a thoughtful, measured approach to assessing how you want to proceed. You weigh the risks, probabilities, consequences, and upsides against each other to reason how you want to proceed.

Quantifying risk is a conscious process, feeling emotional is an unconscious process. What’s best for us is our best understanding of how we want to proceed, not how our physiology is telling us to. There are plenty of things that we’re afraid of that we shouldn’t do because they’re too risky. But our sense of fear is just one of the inputs we use to calculate the overall risk. It serves us to choose not to do those things because we’ve quantified the risk rather than we fear doing them. 

So the next time you’re feeling afraid but trying to coach yourself into taking action, create consciousness but evaluating the risk. What’s the worst that could happen, and how likely is that to happen? What’s the best thing that could happen, and what’s the likelihood of that? And, what has the highest probability of happening, and what are the pros and cons inherent to it?

Fear is an emotion. Risk is a measurement. It’s better to be conscious and choose our future rather than let emotions choose for us.

Today marks the day that Coach Daron Roberts, an inspiring man and friend, launches his new book called “Microwins”. Daron got his JD from Harvard Law after being rejected multiple times, and turned his dream to coach in the NFL into a 7 year career before becoming a speaker, author, philanthropist, and teacher. For years he has been talking about this concept and living it out on a daily basis.

The main idea of “Microwins” is exactly what you’d expect: You achieve big goals and dreams by stacking small, meaningful wins throughout your day. I haven’t read the book yet, I’m starting it in the next few days, and I encourage you to get a copy and we can read it together.

However given what I know about Daron’s work and human behavior, this is what I expect to be in the book:

First is a conversation about mindset and beliefs. The mind cares more about consistency and frequency than size or complexity of action. In other words, doing small things with consistency leaves a larger imprint on your mind than massive displays of will. By planning out, completing, and celebrating microwins, you reinforce that you have what it takes to achieve your goals - Big, small, or micro.

Second is a conversation about momentum. When you add microwin on top of microwin on top of microwin, you build momentum. With momentum comes power and unrelenting, unstoppable force. Once the train is running, you can point it wherever you want and multiply your ability to do it well. One small victory at a time you improve your skills, belief, and knowledge until eventually you become exponentially more capable of rising to any occasion.

Darren Hardy says that momentum is “the most powerful and enigmatic force in the universe.” He also says that once you get momentum, it’s easy to keep it. That’s what this Microwins approach can do for you - Get intentional about the way you build momentum in your life so that you become unstoppable. 

Again, if you want to join me in reading Daron’s new book “Microwins” you can grab your copy by clicking here! Everything Daron does is exceptional and I'm confident the same will be true for this book!

The human mind is incredible. It has endless computing power, constantly processing millions of bits of information to help us understand the world around us. John Assaraf calls the brain a “billion dollar bio-computer” and for good reason!

In particular, one of the things the brain is always doing is taking in the contextual data around us, interpreting it, and producing a meaning to everything we experience. It works kind of like a calculator where the mind enacts different functions to all the inputs of life and outputs a specific answer.

Also like a calculator, I’ve found that the brain uses a specific formula: Unconscious Influence + Conscious Influence + Situational Influence = Meaning.

The unconscious influence is made up of our belief systems, evolutionary hardwirings, and genetic predispositions. Conscious influence is made up of all the goals, dreams, desires, and priorities we want. And the situational influence takes in the contextual factors of the present energetic and emotional state, accessibility of behaviors, and other environmental circumstances.

It’s these three elements that make up the calculator’s formula and come together to output the specific meaning, action step, or way of feeling about an event.

The majority of the time, the mind works unconsciously. This means that the calculator’s formula neglects conscious influence and operates solely on unconscious and situational factors. That’s why it’s so important for us to do the work to create an empowering belief system and self image, so that our unconscious calculations lead to positive outcomes.

And, we also must cultivate awareness. The more awareness we have, the more conscious influence comes online and the better control we have of the formula. Rather than the calculator processing the world completely from pre-programming, we can guide the calculation ourselves to shape the meaning we assign to events.

Simplifying the brain’s process, it takes inputs, processes them, and produces outputs. It’s the processing step that is calculator’s formula, and it’s our job to make that formula as optimal as possible as often as we can.

I connected with an inspiring nonprofit leader named Vernon Shaw earlier this week, and he said something that really stood out to me. He’s the kind of person where you feel his presence any time he walks into a room. Everyone immediately acknowledges how abundant, driven, and pure-hearted he is, including myself. You figure someone like that has to be really intentional to carry that kind of energy everywhere they go.

Vernon said “Self-care is different than taking care of yourself.”

Sometimes we get caught up in checking the box - Getting your meditation and exercise in, completing your daily routine of gratitude journaling, taking a cold shower to kick off your metabolism for the day. While these activities themselves are very healthy and markers of a high-performing person, there’s one very important thing that is missing - Why?

We don’t do these things just to do them, we do them because they help us to be the most dynamic, grounded, and effective version of ourselves. Self-care is just a means to taking care of yourself.

But it doesn’t always perfectly translate over. There are times when self-care activities are not the things that take care of yourself. For example, I have a cold right now. I have certain goals for myself in terms of the amount I want to exercise, and a standard for myself to always take a cold shower if it’s before 8pm, but does following through on that serve me right now?

What serves me most, the way I can best take care of myself right now, is to rest - To not push myself through a workout and to not shock my system with cold water.

The difference between self-care and taking care of yourself reminds me of an improved way to relate with self-discipline. Self discipline is misunderstood to be a “do what you said you would do at all costs” kind of thing. And oftentimes, getting yourself to take action and ‘grind it out’ is the right expression of it. 

But true self-discipline is a matter of being aware of what choice most serves you right now, and faithfully following through on it despite the pressures and circumstances you’re in. To me, that’s living intentionally. It’s infusing everything with purpose. And when self-care has that level of intentionality built into it, then it functions to help you take care of yourself.