Timelines Of Regret

One of the things that stings the most in life is regret. Basically, regret is knowing that we could have done something differently and wishing that were the case. As compelling  as the “everything happens for a reason” narrative is, it’s very difficult to genuinely believe it. When you don’t, you leave yourself vulnerable to regret.

There are two different timelines for regret, which we’ll call “short-term regret” and “long-term regret”.

Starting with short-term regret, these are usually things that you did and very soon thereafter, immediately wish you didn't do. It goes beyond making a mistake and doing something that has real consequences. Things like saying something hurtful in a fight, making a big and uninformed purchase, or accepting a dare gone wrong that inflicted pain. But ultimately, in time you recover from the blunder.

Less often, there are things that we hesitated to do that we immediately regret. We didn’t ask the person out, raise our hand for an opportunity, or take someone’s advice. However, more often than not, the short-term regrets we face are about the actions we took rather than the things we didn’t do.

Moving on to long-term regret, these are a few of those things that we did in the moment that we wish we didn’t do. Being unfaithful to a loved one, for example,  completely and permanently shifts the trajectory of your life. But more often the things we regret over the long term are the things we didn’t do. We wish we would’ve traveled more in our 20s, started that business, cared more for our bodies, or had that conversation with someone before they passed away. 

At the end of the day, it’s very possible we’re going to live with regret. We can’t predict the future and therefore can’t decide how our action, or inaction, shapes it. But it is upon us to do our best so that we minimize regret, and that comes from living out your values as best you can.