The Way You Act, Not The Things You Do

One of my favorite quotes of all time comes from Ralph Waldo Emerson, and it goes “What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say.” After all, actions speak louder than words.

But I don’t think that tells the full story. I’m someone who cares a lot about intentions. There’s a full context behind what you do that says a lot about you. That’s why perhaps the greatest testament of character is the way you act, and not the things that you do.

The way you act is the way you show up on a moment to moment basis. It’s the energy that you bring to what you do. While it’s largely imperceptible to others, doing somethin for one reason has a different meaning than if you do it for another. And sometimes you’re the only one that knows the difference.

This mirrors a stoic concept called ‘arete’, which loosely translates to ‘being the best version of yourself moment to moment’. Arete is about living a virtuous life that you’re proud to lead, with integrity and authenticity.  The things you do are a byproduct of what really matters, which is the way you act.

When you encounter a challenge or setback, you step up courageously to the task. When you have a disagreement with someone else, you reject being defensive and take the position of being patient as you seek to understand. When someone makes a mistake that negatively affects you, you respond with encouragement and calmness. Life’s adversities put your character to the test, and It’s how you show up to these events that puts your true self on display.

Speaking from personal experience, I’m certainly not perfect. Every day I experience moments where I could have done better, lost control, or wasn’t as thoughtful as I could have been. And often this leads to choices and actions that aren’t optimal. But equally, every day I reinforce my commitment to acting as the best, most virtuous version of myself.

Yes, observe what someone does because it’s often a reflection of their motivations and intentions. Believe what someone does more than what they say. But also, consider the engine behind what they do as you decide what to think about it. Public speaking might be scary to one person and commonplace to the next, so it’s impossible to judge the action itself. It’s the virtues the person embodies in taking the action that represents a fuller version of the truth.