Mirroring

A great tactic you can use to become a better active listener is called ‘mirroring’. I first heard about this from negotiation expert Chris Voss, who describes mirroring as literally repeating the last thing someone else just said to you in the form of a question.

Beyond what you say, Voss mentions that the intonation of it really matters. Instead of having your question come off as condescending or challenging, your response can be full of curiosity and interest if it’s stated the right way. People just want to be heard, and stating back what they said to you in a non-critical way signals that you were listening.

It’s also a great tactic to get people to share more information. If someone’s explanation about something isn’t complete, you can use mirroring as a way to prompt them to share more. But the great part is you don’t need to come up with a creative question, just pausing on one specific point curiously helps them fill in the blanks of why you might be inquiring.

For example, last week I was talking to one of my coaching clients and he shared that his life is busy right now. “Busy?” I responded with interest. He then elaborated on how busy is good, how he likes to be busy, and overall it was a positive response.

I got so much more information from him simply because I paused and mirrored what he said to me.

The applications of mirroring are throughout communication: 

If someone has a problem with you and something you did, you can take their words and mirror them as an invitation to elaborate.

If you’re trying to understand someone’s core motivation in a sales or business setting, mirroring makes them reflect one layer deeper on where their hesitation might be. 

If someone gives you instructions for something but it’s not clear to you, you can mirror and they’ll go on to explain what they want you to do further.

Overall, consider mirroring to be an effortless tool you can use to further conversations and get to the heart of what lies under an initial statement. Give it a try once or twice in the next few days and see what you find!

You grew today. Grew today? Yes, by learning this now you’re better prepared to build stronger and more meaningful relationships. See!