Guilt

Recently I heard a definition of guilt that I love. I’m pretty sure it comes from Alex Hormozi and it goes  “guilt is an emotion you feel when you act outside of your values.”

Think about the last time you felt guilty. Maybe you sold something on someone and it felt icky to you, you said you were going to an event and flaked, you disrespected a relationship, had a nasty thought, or took more than was your share.

No matter the scenario, the commonality is that you took an action that fell outside of your moral compass.

It’s helpful to be aware of times when you feel guilty. By examining the times when you feel guilty you get clearer on what your values are. Especially because personal values can be difficult to pinpoint, taking the time to reflect on your values when they’ve been violated can polish your clarity for what they are.  

In this way, guilt can be used as a feedback mechanism to remind you of what feels out of integrity with your best self.

But instead of just talking about it, let me show you how to operationalize it. The obvious example is if someone is unfaithful with their partner. They feel guilty because their actions violated their core values of loyalty and honesty. But, there are people who don’t value those things and therefore don’t feel guilty about unfaithful actions.

Or a personal example: It was my nephew’s birthday and I chose not to come into town to celebrate it. When I FaceTimed to say Happy Birthday, afterwards I felt guilty that I wasn't there in person. It brought to light one of my values, family, and my actions (or inaction) violated that.

But even though I felt 'guilty', I still feel like I made the right choice. Staying at home allowed me to focus on leading a fundraiser and live out other values of “impact” and “doing what I said I was going to do”. 

It’s a complex topic. Guilt doesn’t necessarily mean you did something wrong, it just means that you did something outside of your values. It’s helpful to know what that action was, and what that value is, so you can construct a life that is even more aligned with who you want to be in the world.