Don't Complain If It's What You Want

I was visiting my wife’s family in the mountains and the water is really cold this time of year! I have a personal policy to start every shower I take with cold water as my version of a cold exposure practice. I was standing there in a towel bugging my wife, procrastinating, and complaining about how I have to take a cold shower.

And then I realized… I don’t need to do it. No one is making me step into the cold water, it’s entirely my choice. If I didn’t want to do it, then I wouldn’t do it. And I realized it was so silly to complain about something that I’m choosing to do.

You can even extend this argument about if it’s worth complaining about anything. Let’s say you have a rude co-worker, a crack in your windshield, or you’re stuck in traffic and running late for a concert. They’re not ideal situations for sure, but nonetheless you’re choosing them over the alternatives.

A rude co-worker? No one is making you work with him. You can choose to stay and deal with it, or get a new job.

A crack in the windshield? You’re choosing to keep it there, and not invest the time and money to get it fixed. Your windshield doesn’t need to be cracked.

Stuck in traffic? You don’t have to go to the concert. You burn your ticket, leave your friend hanging, turn the car around and head home.

You’re choosing to endure the inconvenient thing because you want it more than the consequences of choosing the alternative. And when you see it from that perspective, you realize you have way less reason to complain. In fact it gives you reasons to be grateful.

The more Stoic-influenced perspective is acquiescence. To accept how things are. If you can’t do anything about what’s happening, then why let it occupy your mind? Your energy is better invested other places. And if there is something you can do about it, then be empowered to make changes.

The next time you catch yourself complaining, run through what the other options are. Allow yourself to go to the extremes. Recognize what’s in your control. And you’ll realize that there’s a lot more good in the current situation than you gave it credit for, or that there’s little value to complaining about it at all.